The Fickle and Depressing World of Online Dating¶
I started dabbling in the world of online dating years ago. 3, 4, 5 years? Who knows for sure? Time slows down when you’re in purgatory. I met some… interesting people. Of the people I actually met, that is. It’s a fickle world, and one I would rather not live in long.
Online dating has a certain allure for someone with little time to get out. I can install an app, adjust these very specific parameters, and voila, find the perfect person for me. How simple, right? Ha!
Let’s get started with Coffee Meets Bagel.
A good friend of mine found the love of his life on Coffee Meets Bagel. So, I installed it thinking, hey, if my loser friend could have some success, so could I. The interface is easy to use and when you first sign up you get many “bagels” to try and connect with. Eventually, you get one bagel a day, unless you want to pay. And it isn’t so cheap. Needless to say, I never had much luck. There’s no way of telling if the bagels you are grabbing are even active people. Basically, one bagel a day kept my ass single as hell. Maybe I would have better luck with Tinder. Yeah, everyone uses Tinder.
Swipe right. Swipe right. Swipe left. Whoops, she was cute. Dammit.
Maybe the land of Tinder would be different. Spoiler alert! It wasn’t (or maybe I wouldn’t be writing this article at all). Again, you have no idea if most people are active. Like Coffee Meets Bagel, you get one star a day. That one person will definitely see your profile. But how many other people definitely will? Even if you do connect, it’s still very likely the person will never reply or contact you. I did end up talking to a few people on Tinder. Some of the conversations went like this:
Her: What are you looking for?
Me: A relationship. You?
Her:…
Maybe I was finding the wrong types of women? Thankfully, I heard Plenty of Fish (PoF) had all the classy girls. So, it was my next stop.
Out of the dating apps I’ve used, PoF had the best interface. You know when people are online, when someone checks your profile, and if they read your message (if you want to pay for that). It’s great, especially if you’re a stalker.
One of the best aspects about PoF is you can talk to anyone, anytime. It’s also likely the worst aspect. Because you have unfiltered access to people, women get inundated with messages, especially when they are online. I’ve talked to some women who said they were getting 50 messages a day. I mean, how the hell can you vet that many people so quickly? Good luck trying to sort through that mess. At least some guys will offer dick pics right away, so those ones are easily filtered (unless that’s what you’re there for). What about the other 30 guys telling you what you want to hear? I don’t envy those women.
I have never spent money on PoF and yet it has netted me a few 3-6 month relationships. Not bad if your goal is short term relationships. Or maybe I am just too picky? Meh, it’s probably my big mouth. Hmmm… I might be on to something with that one.
Something else that needs to be mentioned about PoF is how damn addictive it is. There’s something about scrolling through profiles. It’s as if there’s this feeling that you’re going to run across a profile that is perfect and the person behind it lines up with you perfectly. I would constantly catch myself clicking on the app. I couldn’t even tell you why. There’s this constant urge to check the app and see if anyone has viewed your profile or if someone new is online that somehow and someway you have been missing out on. Eventually, this feeling always led me to delete the app because it fuels unhappiness.
So, what have I learned about online dating?
In my experience, online dating is a vain place with people looking to trade up. You might talk to someone one day and it feels like it went perfectly but then you never hear from them again. Maybe they found someone a little better looking, or the same but with less baggage, or someone who makes more money? So many factors play a role and not necessarily the ones that should matter most. But it’s online dating. It’s easier to jettison someone you don’t even know.
And that’s part of it. The same rules don’t apply. You wouldn’t treat someone you know in person the same as you would someone you met online. You can be as flighty as you want with virtually no repercussions. It can be a mean place, not for the faint of heart.
Online dating is a rabid land for the bullshitter. You’re putting yourself out there with people who are just looking for attention or another notch under their belt. Then, maybe they pull the plug before you meet, or you spend time talking to someone, meet, and find out in the first five minutes they’re not someone you would date. Maybe their pictures were complete bullshit (I have met at least 2 people who I did not recognize), or they carried themselves a specific way that you don’t like, or maybe they lied about their entire persona. You won’t know until you meet, if you meet. I was even catfished once. Oh, good times.
Needless to say, I would advise against online dating. Wait. Hold on. A pretty girl just messaged me. I’ll finish this later.