“Basic Bitches” Top SPLC Terrorism List¶
In a stunning development, the Southern Poverty Law Center (SPLC) declared “Basic Bitches” a terrorist organization. We reached out to a prominent “Basic Bitch”, Monica Scarlett, for comment. After going on a rant about toxic masculinity, she made us sign an affirmed consent form to get her statement.
What do you think of the Southern Poverty Law Center’s declaration?
Monica—“My Pumpkin Spice Latte® doesn’t taste as fresh this morning.” She said, flipping her hair from one side to the other.
Do you think you’re being unfairly targeted?
Monica—“No, Target is so 2015. I bought these boots online.” She held up one leg, keeping perfect balance, and showed me her glamorous new Ugg™ Boots.
Do you want to respond to the Southern Poverty Law Center?
Monica—“Uh, yeah! Look, I don’t know whose leggings wouldn’t fit over their fat ass this morning, but the patriarchy isn’t going to stop us from being strong independent females. This is just another piece of the war on women. We are going to continue to fight for our rights. Basic Bitches out!”—she said before doing a pirouette and walking the other direction.
There you have it, folks! To the Basic Bitches, this means war… of the Pumpkin Spice kind.